Instability.

I’m going to bed soon, and when I set my alarm to wake up in the morning, I also set another for 2:30 a.m. That’s because I could probably count on one hand the number of nights in the past month that I haven’t woken up very early in the morning with low blood sugar.

My doctor has adjusted my insulin every week for the past three weeks in an effort to prevent this, but to no avail so far. Occassionally, there are even days when I eat normally and my blood sugar drops before lunch or dinner, which never happened until recently. In fact, yesterday evening, before I ate dinner, my blood sugar registered at 47. I had only started to feel the physical effects of it a few minutes before. And this morning, when I woke up at 3 a.m., my meter read 35…a new record low. Scary, and the reason I’m going to start waking myself up as a preventative measure. Hopefully, that will work.

I would love to petition my body to just be a little more dependable. I would love a pancreas upgrade. I would love to be able to go to sleep right now and not have to worry that my blood sugar will have dropped 300 points when I check it in a few hours. I would love to not inadvertently invoke guilt when a friend offers me a candy cane.

It’s been close to a year now that I’ve been diabetic. Ten and a half months ago, I had no concept of what this day would look like. It’s better than I ever imagined, but it still isn’t easy, especially these last few weeks because having low blood sugar levels makes me feel really out of it. It’s pretty exhausting, actually.

It’s a good reassurance to know that this is essentially temporary. When I get to heaven, and I’m partying with Jesus, my pancreas will work just fine. When I get there, I hope He pulls out a box of strawberry jelly-filled, powdered sugar donuts and iced coffee sweetened with real sugar, and hands them over. I hope we have a picnic with Mama Kat’s pound cake and pecan pie as the main course. And I hope we finish it off with strawberry cheesecake and sweet tea. What a day of rejoicing that will be…a sweet life indeed.

~ by Haley on November 17, 2008.